The American Heritage Dictionary gives one definition of “mediate” as: “to intervene between two or more disputants in order to bring about an agreement, a settlement, or a compromise.” The mediator is the person in the middle. The mediator hears both sides of the story and has to bring both sides together. This is no easy job.
I am not thinking about formal mediators, such as individuals who are appointed by the court to arbitrate disputes between feuding spouses or labor disputes. I am thinking about the more mundane usage of the terms “mediate” and “mediator.” We are all mediators from time to time and we all mediate.
As parents, w
e may have to mediate arguments between our children. This can happen not only when they are young and fighting over a toy, but sometimes when they are older and are fighting over who gets Aunt Tilly’s silverware. Parents may sometimes find themselves mediating between a child and the child’s teacher. We see the teacher’s side in that we want students to do better and live up to their potential. We see the student’s side because we know our children better than anyone and don’t want them to be treated unfairly.
Employees may have to be mediators at work. One worker may have to step in to defuse an argument between two co-workers. Some organizations even have individuals designated to act as mediators when such controversies arise. Many universities have an individual called an ombudsman who is assigned to mediate arguments that arise between students and faculty members. When I taught at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette I would often send students to our Ombudsman when the student had a grievance (against me or another professor) that couldn’t be resolved between the student and the teacher.
In our daily lives we must act as our own mediators at times. One example of this that comes readily to mind is how we often have to mediate between our physicians and our insurance companies. Just yesterday I spent hours trying to determine why my insurance company had seemingly ignored a specific medical claim from one of my physicians. It took many calls and lots of explaining back and forth. It’s particularly frustrating for patients to have to mediate between physicians and insurance companies because the jargon and rules of these industries are so convoluted and complex that one probably needs an advanced degree in medical terminology in order to mediate such disputes.
Mediation is a specific type of communication that requires excellent communication skills. Good mediators need to be patient, sensitive, cooperative, and excellent listeners. Are you a good mediator?
I am not thinking about formal mediators, such as individuals who are appointed by the court to arbitrate disputes between feuding spouses or labor disputes. I am thinking about the more mundane usage of the terms “mediate” and “mediator.” We are all mediators from time to time and we all mediate.
As parents, w
e may have to mediate arguments between our children. This can happen not only when they are young and fighting over a toy, but sometimes when they are older and are fighting over who gets Aunt Tilly’s silverware. Parents may sometimes find themselves mediating between a child and the child’s teacher. We see the teacher’s side in that we want students to do better and live up to their potential. We see the student’s side because we know our children better than anyone and don’t want them to be treated unfairly.Employees may have to be mediators at work. One worker may have to step in to defuse an argument between two co-workers. Some organizations even have individuals designated to act as mediators when such controversies arise. Many universities have an individual called an ombudsman who is assigned to mediate arguments that arise between students and faculty members. When I taught at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette I would often send students to our Ombudsman when the student had a grievance (against me or another professor) that couldn’t be resolved between the student and the teacher.
In our daily lives we must act as our own mediators at times. One example of this that comes readily to mind is how we often have to mediate between our physicians and our insurance companies. Just yesterday I spent hours trying to determine why my insurance company had seemingly ignored a specific medical claim from one of my physicians. It took many calls and lots of explaining back and forth. It’s particularly frustrating for patients to have to mediate between physicians and insurance companies because the jargon and rules of these industries are so convoluted and complex that one probably needs an advanced degree in medical terminology in order to mediate such disputes.
Mediation is a specific type of communication that requires excellent communication skills. Good mediators need to be patient, sensitive, cooperative, and excellent listeners. Are you a good mediator?
(photo by Klaas Tuin @ www.flickr.com)
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5 comments:
I think that in general I am a good mediator. However, I do admit that the higher the emotional stake, the harder it is. I have come to know that when I am in a highly emotional state, I am not as good of a communicator, so I must step back, take a breath and a break and then go back to "mediating." I know that this is a lifelong process, and although I may never be perfect at it, I hope to get better at it as I get older...especially in the emotionally charged situations.
When I was in college, I studied psychology. One of the things I found fascinating was birth order and how it affects temperament and personality.
What I found out was the middle child has a tendency to be the peace keeper, or mediator. They do not like conflict and go out of their way to keep the peace.
By the way, we have switched our Internet provider, and have had some technical difficulties. So I have have been offline for most of this week.
Cheers!
Thank you for the wonderful definition of the meditation. It expanded my understanding of myself - meditation is like breathing to me. I find myself mediating between my sick body and the dreams in a country of the timeless values ... Not all artists are the disabled, but they all are like the priests. Thus the meditation is a daily bread of all who are touched by the magic of the creativity.
Thank you once again for the article. While thinking about the employees as the mediators I looked at the life from a totally different - the new point of view.
Yes, I believe I am a good mediator - but not when it comes to dealing with insurance companies. I haven't gotten the hang of that yet.
Hi Patricia,
Yes, I always try this within my own family, although they have the Italian blood, I am the calm cool English one ;-) I have added you to my teacher's pets (blog roll) :-)
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