Vacuuming with the Stars

What would it be like if the latest automated

vacuuming machines, such as Roomba, were

critiqued as ballroom dancers by the judges
of ABC's hit television show Dancing with the Stars?

You may have heard of the Roomba. It is a small, round, flat, machine that automatically vacuums your floor. The original Roomba is manufactured by iRobot. That name sounds very mechanical to me and I imagine the little machine moving around without much grace or elegance. Some owners have complained that their little Roombas bump into walls a lot--not a very good dance move. But, gee, with a name like "Roomba," surely the manufacturer wants us to conjure up visions of a sexy Latin dancer gyrating his way around our living room carpet.

Roomba has become so popular that numerous copycats have appeared, such as Cleanmate, Trackvac, Dream Robot, Metapo, and Zoombot. With so many of these automatic vacuum cleaners now on the market, how can consumers decide? I suggest we put all the automatic vacuum machines to the ultimate test and let the three Dancing with the Stars judges, Carrie Ann Inaba, Len Goodman, and Bruno Tonnioli critique their form and style. What better way for consumers to choose the best model? I can see it now. . .

Carrie Ann: Roomba! You had great personality, but, remember, no lifts are allowed when you reach the edge of the carpet!

Len: Oh, my, Trackvac! Your form is superb! So short, and yet so much control! You owned that rug!

Bruno: Zoombot! You bring sexy back to house cleaning! Love that vibrating, circular action of your brushes! Hot! Hot! Hot!

If manufacturers can do for automated vacuum cleaners what Dancing with the Stars has done for ballroom dancing (a previously fairly unpopular social activity primarily oriented to senior c itizens), then I predict that soon all women will be demanding a sexy, automated vacuum for their very own! And here are some potential slogans:

"They're not just cleaning machines--they're artists!"

Our control panel does not say, "slow, medium and fast," it says, "tango, waltz, and jive!"

"Forget housework! Put rhythm in your life and vacuum with the stars!"